Death and Flowers

Death’s inevitable, even if we like it or not.

I’ve realized that the more I grow up the more afraid I am to death. Maybe it’s because when we were younger they told us that when we died we went to heaven, and maybe that’s true. When I was seven years old or so, I watched a film on Disney Channel called Avalon High, and I remember hearing a word called ‘reincarnation’. I asked for the meaning and they told me that it was when a soul, after the death of the body, came back to earth in another body or form. I believed that. When we are young we are so naïve and so easy to fool, and it might be a good thing.

I remember that when my uncle passed away, I told my sister about reincarnation and we both together came to the conclusion that he had reincarnated into a flower. We spent most of our time sitting in the garden, watering the flowers and speaking to them, about our problems at school, and playing ‘dollies’ there, so he could keep an eye on us. We even talked to the flowers about our aunt, and we told the flowers that she was doing just fine, she cried sometimes, when she thought that we weren’t around. One day, my sister told our aunt that we saw her cry and that we told uncle … about it. She started to cry, even more than before. My sister was only five years old, she didn’t know what she was saying! so she tugged my aunt’s skirt and told her “Auntie don’t worry. He’s fine with the other flowers. He lives in our garden now.” And that’s when I realized that me and my sister created a bubble. A better place where our uncle was still alive, where he could prepare us breakfast and play with barbies with us and where he could still listen to our crazy thoughts. But it was all a lie. I stopped immediately, but my sister didn’t. My sister was seven years old when she finally gave up on ‘him’, which is fine, I guess.

I’m so terribly afraid to death, but what I’m most afraid of; is being forgotten. I want to be remembered, I want to do something good in life, so good that people will always remember. Just like we will always remember Albert Einstein.

I don’t want to end alone, but then again, who DOES want to end alone. I don’t want to see the people I love (including my dog) die. But just like I said in the beginning, death is inevitable. Even if we like it or not. And I HATE death.

But, if you hate death or not depends on your beliefs. Are you religious? then when you die, you’ll go wherever your sacred book says. There’s a boy in my class that is super religious and he’s not afraid of death because his religion says that when you die, if you’ve done things right, you go to heaven. But the thing is that I’m not religious, and the only thing I believe in is that when you die, you see, you feel nothing… It’s just a black emptiness. And that’s what I’m scared of: ‘black emptiness’, nothing at all. Just you, buried underground and then, some worms eat you. The end. No heaven, no reincarnation, no… nothing.

Maybe the thing that scares me is the word ‘nothing’ itself.

“It’s all right to die, cause death’s the only thing you haven’t tried.”
Ed Sheeran – Even my dad does sometimes
Pissed off Girl.
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